Can You Understand These 22 British English Signs?

Where are you from?

What does your country specialise in?

Some countries are really good at spicy foods.

Some countries are excellent at public services, like hospitals and stuff.

Maybe your country has the best waterfalls or the strangest buildings or the most polite people.

But what about Britain?

Well, I’m proud to tell you that no other country in the world has as many signs as Britain!

We’re number one for signs.

As an example, here’s a picture of a train I was in recently:

There are signs everywhere in England.

Here are some interesting statistics that I may, or may not, have just invented:

1. Britain is 30% forest, but 77% sign.
2. There are about 4.6 billion signs per person in the UK.
3. The names “Sign,” “Warning” and “Don’t” are now the most popular names for babies in the UK.

So if you’re planning a trip to the UK, you need to understand what the signs mean.

What’s more, the type of English that’s used on signs is a bit different from the type of English we use when we’re speaking or reading the news or writing an essay.

Signs have their own special language.

I’ve seen a lot of signs in the past week. Here are some of the more challenging ones.

Do you know what they mean?

Can You Understand These 22 British English Signs?

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No food waste please | Domestic waste only

Finish all your food.

You can only use this at home.

Don’t put food rubbish here. Just house rubbish.

Shop to let

You can rent this shop.

This shop is going to be destroyed.

This shop will let you do anything you want. It’s kind of liberal that way.

Disabled Access | Keep Clear

The door has stopped working so you can’t use it any more.

Leave some space for people who can’t walk.

Professional people only, please.

Donation plea! We need books!

We have a deadline! Give us books!

We’re desperate! Give us books!

We need books! But only good ones, please.

This area is under CCTV surveillance

Be careful. There are bottles on the walls around here. They might contain milk.

Aliens are coming.

Big Brother is watching you.

Traditional Sunday roast every Sunday, served from 12:00 until 4:00 p.m.

Between 12:00 and 4:00 p.m., you can dress in traditional clothes here.

You can buy a traditional British lunch here between 12:00 and 4:00 p.m. on Sunday.

If you walk into this place between 12:00 and 4:00 p.m. on Sunday, they’ll force you into the oven and cook you.

Please do not allow your dog to foul this area

Your dog is disgusting. Keep it away from me.

You can’t take dogs here.

Bring your dog, but don’t let it use this place as a toilet.

End of route | Cyclists dismount

The path is finished. Get off your bike!

The path is finished and this hill is too difficult to cycle on.

The path is finished. Everything is finished.

Recycled carrier bags | Please help yourself

Here are some shopping bags that someone else has used. Be nice to yourself.

This container carries your bags for you.

Please take as many shopping bags from this as you like.

Vehicle turning area | Do not obstruct

Look out for the cars. There are lots of cars.

Keep going. Don’t turn back now.

Don’t park here. We might need this space to turn around.

Add a touch of Scandinavia to your life

It’s good to hug people from Scandinavia.

You should have a few Scandinavian things in your life.

Go to Scandinavia and hug people before you die.

Please mind the step

Be careful. There's a step here.

Think about how the people around you are walking.

Don’t use the stairs.

Refuse for disposal

Don’t let anyone take this container.

Please take this container away. I don’t want to see it again.

This is rubbish.

No unauthorised access

No one knows who built this building.

There are no security guards here. Be careful.

You can’t come in without permission.

Ramp

Jump! Faster!

There's a bit in the road that comes out. You might want to think about slowing down so it doesn't damage your car.

A slope where you can move your car, wheelchair or pram from one point to a higher (or lower) point.

No rough sleeping, drinking, drug taking or loitering

You can’t sleep on the street, drink anything, take drugs or just exist here. So go away!

It’s nice here so you can sleep comfortably, just don’t take drugs or drink or leave rubbish on the floor.

This place is nice – no one ever sleeps badly, drinks, takes drugs or causes problems. Ever.

Have you paid and displayed?

Have you told the security guard that you’re here and paid him?

Have you bought a ticket and stuck it to your car window?

Have you paid the old woman in the corner so that you can dance in front of her?

Public convenience

This is where you can use the toilet.

This is where you can meet in groups of more than 3 people.

People are great, aren’t they?

Dog waste

Dogs are stupid. Get a cat instead.

If your dog uses the toilet here, please put its poo here.

If you see a dead dog, put it in here.

Stock grazing | Please close the gate

People might want to steal our stuff. Close the gate.

Danger of floods. Please close the gate.

There are animals eating the grass around here. Please close the gate.

Private fishing | Poachers will be prosecuted

This is a great place to go fishing away from other people.

If you try and fish here, you’ll have no luck.

Don’t fish here. This place belongs to me. They’re my fish. I will call the police and have you arrested if I catch you fishing here. I swear!

Love is metaphysical gravity

The world is made up of lots of small pieces of love.

Love doesn’t exist. It’s only for fools!

Both of the above.

Either of the above.

I have no idea.

I have better things to do with my time.

Can You Understand These 22 British English Signs?

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What about your country?

Do you have any crazy signs in your own country?

Please tell me about them in the comments and we can all have a good laugh together.